We have our daughter home with us now, she's been ours for two months but it doesn't seem possible that she hasn't always been here. It's not all daisies and candy, but she's a good girl and doing well.
During our wait for her, I made the decision to go through with converting to Judaism. It's something I've wanted since I was young and I realized that all my floundering around "playing" at religion was in fact meandering down the path to where I should have been all along. Were it not for this Christian dominated culture I may well have come to the decision sooner. It is not that I am worried about not being mainstream or anti-semitism, but that Christianity just dominates every facet of our culture that it pushes aside other choices and made me feel like it was Christianity or nothing. And since I can not abide the message of Christianity and a vast number of "representatives" of Christ I chose Nothing. But now I am where I feel as though I belong. It is a real sense of coming home. Anyway, I should have my conversion ceremony by May and then the kids will have theirs. I'm not sure what John will do or not do. He takes a long time to decide things.
This brings me to a kind of sad thing, through adopting a brown child and becoming Jewish, some of our family and friends have decided that they can no longer be involved with us. It's sad to know that people are so small. I am sorry that the decisions I've made for my life has caused me to lose people I cared for, but that's their decision and they are certainly welcome to their beliefs. It does disturb me to find this ugliness in the ranks of those whom I loved but it's better to know now than not know they are there.
The one discussion I haven't had with the boys is telling them that they have lost some of their white privilege. How do you tell kids that by choosing to be Jewish, some things will no longer be available to them? That by virtue of the Star of David around their necks some people will wish them dead? Certainly, this is not the West Bank and I'm not trying to say that it's that level of danger, but to assume that there are not people walking the streets here that think those things is folly. I have already been called a "Jew Bitch" once...by a Baptist. It is all very difficult to process.
I was confronted by an old man in the commissary over bringing a Chinese person into the US. Luckily Morgan doesn't understand much English so she wasn't hurt by it. But I was unprepared for this encounter. Prejudice is everywhere and it is offered up by more than just the people you expect to see it from. And now my family is no longer insulated completely from it. It's at once a troubling experience, and a gift because certainly we will now feel more compassion than we did before for those who can not hide from it.